Why this book was compiled
Ever since we
were forced into the custody case
arena in 1991, we have looked for
‘The Right Answer’. We wanted to
know what the mediators, evaluators,
and judges wanted to hear. We were
willing to paint ourselves yellow if
that’s what they wanted.
(I don’t even look good in yellow.)
Since working with thousands of
other parents and grandparents
individually and in parent's rights
groups, with child protective
service agencies in nine major
cities, attending seminars with
counselors, attorneys and
psychologists and interviewing
attorneys, judges, mediators and
guardian ad items; reading many
books on custody and writing several
of our own we have found out here is
no "the right answer".
What you
say affects how you think which
affects how you behave which affects
the results you get.
You are unique from any other
person on earth. Your custody
experience will be different from
anyone else's, no matter how hard
lawyers and the courts try to push
you into an established mold and
attempt to impose accepted attitudes
and feelings. No one will feel or
even understand what you feel.
This is a unique book compiled
especially for you. You will get as
much out of it as you put into it!
You can read the whole book in a
couple of hours and learn a little.
OR
You can take the time to read and
think about each listing.
First, decide if the listing has
anything to do with what you are
experiencing. If it doesn't, go on
to the next.
If it does apply to something you
are experiencing, think about what
the listing is saying to you. Take
the time to see if there is some new
way for you to see an incident, your
situation, or the other party.
Above all, be very truthful with
yourself. Allow yourself to step
back. Look at incidents and
situations from your child's point
of view, the point of view of the
other parent, the point of view of
the court, and the point of view of
the long-term impact of what is
happening.
Often your instincts are affirmed by
the listing. Sometimes, a listing
will challenge the way you have been
handling a situation.
The listing may help you understand
why someone is behaving in a
particular manner. The listing may
help you change your life in a way
that will make this process easier.
This is not a big life-changing
program. It is small tips, bits,
ideas that can help you NOW!
Parents who have this book say it
has made them a new and different
person when dealing with the
stresses of a child custody case.
Remember, it is your choice as to
what you want to do with your case,
and only you can change it. That is,
IF you really want to. Many, many
people want things to change but
don't want to change themselves. Why
should they? They have so many
people feeling sorry for them!
We all learned when we were small
children that to get attention all
we had to do was cry or sulk and we
would get attention! Well, many of
us are still in that old way of
thinking! Have you fallen into that
trap?
If you have the courage to change
how you see things and what you can
do about them, you can. This can be
your first step.
This simple book was compiled to
offer you some new ways to see and
think about what is happening at
this time in your life.
